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File AttachmentVacancy Announcement
Date: 03-12-2013
Position: Prime Minister
Must be: An unknown Damjadiid member or has equivalent respect for DJ.
Reports to: The chief of staff of the President
Duration: 2 diamond months, 2 golden months, 2 silvers with 4-6 dirty bronze months. Extension depends on your competence to report to the president, your respect to the Damjadiid ministers and your patience to accept every order even from the chief of staff.
Duty Office: Mogadishu
QUALIFICATIONS NEEDED
1. Must be a brotherhood, who defected from the Islah leadership several years ago.
2. Must be happy with wearing suites and look himself into mirror for several hours a day.
3. Must claim a Ph D holder even if he can’t write a single page of English.
4. Must have dozens of Certificates and Degrees that he can’t read what they say.
5. Must be perfect with the Arabic poems, and can make mockery against the pro west.
SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS
1. Must obey all Damjadiid as the same, and listen the president as a totalitarian
2. Must not think of change in the office but work on the list of the points prepared by the president’s chief of staff
3. Must know how to hunt losers in Europe and give them high level offices in the Cabinet.
4. Must know how to say Ustazii (My teacher) to every member of Dam Jadiid.
5. Must have 2 official wives with dozens of kids and linked to at least 2 secret marriages.
6. Must understand what the terms: Hayakallah! Aziizii! Yaa Basha! And Kalamak Hilwa!
DAILY ACTIVITY
1. Must meet with the Somali traditional elders of every clan daily
2. Must have lunch with the media and tell them how the president is doing
3. Must not talk about Human Rights, but claim his government is a democratic.
4. Must chair the cabinet and salute the Damjadiid ministers first.
5. Must accept the WARM WELCOME to the office and the HARSH DEPARTURE by the end of the term.
PS: The Requests attached with qualifications (Certificates, degrees) will not be considered. Only requests without references will get high priority. Female candidates are will never be accepted as well. Deadline of Submission will be January 3, 2013.
By Dahir Alasow
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